Am i making excuses for my ADHD (Autistic Spectrum) son?

Question:Hi there, we are at breaking point at the moment, our son is nearly 9 years old and has a diagnosis of ADHD Autistic Spectrum. He was diagnosed at 5 and takes medication. Ever since he started school teachers have said he disruptive behavour is down to him he chooses when to behave and when not too. They compare him to other autstic children and i feel they just believe its parenting and bad behaviour. His accademic ability is there but his lack of concentration and impulsiveness stops him from doing what he should. The head thinks i am making excuses for him as i have been trying to get help for the behaviour and try to understand things from his world but after 8 years have failed to get to the bottom of his behaviour, we have applied for a statement of special needs without the approval of the head as they do not support the statement, but because of his lack of concentration and social skills i feel a statement would benefit him to make choices for secondary schools thanks

my gosh it sounds exactly what my poor parents went through with me. i had this horredous teacher mrs hairxxxx wont say her full name, who turned to my mother on parents day and said it was all her fault that i was disruptive, bad behaved and basically a bitxh! it wasnt my mother/father at all, i had,have adhd but they wouldnt listen to my parents. so my mother pulled me out of school taught me herself for two years and i passed my gcse's while she still maintained a full time job,studying and two other kids! the good news twelve years on im a qualified carer with more qualifactions with better grades gained outside of school than in! my intellectual skills eventually came out once people reliased less distractions, smaller groups of pupils and more explaining helped me concentrate better. i think you sound like your doing a good job so far so stay strong do what you now feels right for your son and he will come out on top eventally. takes time but with you as a mother im sure it will happen ;-)
I don't believe ADHD exists at all.
First off, your son should be on an IEP. Part of an IEP is the Behavioral Intervention Program. This will give a step by step response to the different behaviors your son may have. If you aren't on an IEP, start the process to get one. You also need to work with a psychologist who has a background in coming up with behavioral midification plans. Behavior modificiation and applied behavioral analysis are the most effectvie ways to work with kids on the spectrum. The key to both programs will be your using the same program at home, consistently. No allowances or excuses..the plan is applied (to the best that it can be...we all have off days) or it simply won't work. All of this needs to be done soon. You are right to begin thinking now of options beyond elementary school.
My daughter has a social communication disorder and it took until she got to secondary school for anyone to acknowledge a problem. be persistent. i ended up getting her assessed off my own back at our local health clinic. i was told on many occasions that i was making allowances for her bad behaviour but i knew that she was not a "normal" child. dont give up and good luck.
Hi Honey, I work in a mainstream school as a Learning Support Assistant and this school caters for the needs of children on the autistic spectrum as well as offering support to all children. I am sad to read that your Headteacher does not support your decision to have your son Statemented. All the children at my school who are on the autistic spectrum are statemented and all are treated on an individual basis and never compared with one another as the spectrum for autism is so vast. Take your case further, your son has a right to his education. Go to, I think you may find this very useful. Good luck Honey, if you can, let me know how you get on.
it could be hes dislexic as my friends son took 7 years to get someone to admit too. Its also that he may actually be more intelligent than you think and is bored with the pace of the lessons. Doctors like to label things it puts them in nice boxes and keeps things tidy. Have you thought of seeing if counseling it helps believe me!!.
Just remember your doing your best and no ones got all the answers, he will find the right path
OMG, your son sounds a lot like mine. Perhaps the teachers are not realizing that autism is exactly that, a spectrum, meaning that no two children with autistic tendencies will be alike 100%. They should not be making that type of comparisons. I don't think you're making excuses. Does the school system have copies of the doctor's statements in their files? Perseverence is the key here. In the US, each student with special needs like this has an IEP (individual education plan) to be sure that all of the student's specific needs, academic, behavioral, social, physical, and emotional are being appropriately addressed. My son's school has a behavioral specialist on staff to assist teachers with any behavioral interventions that may be required. It frequently takes repeated requests to get the school system to agree to necessary testing...You are the only one who can truly advocate for your son and his needs, keep it up!
I do not believe in ADHD. It's a post hoc diagnosis used to rationalise unacceptable behaviour. It is down to poor parenting.
Personally i think you could do with finding a school that does support the statement of special needs that is if you feel that your son would cope with a move
NO you are not making excuses your child has a lifelong disability so he is being discriminated against. my son has ADHD and Autistic spectrum disorder the school your child attends is not treating you or your child in an acceptable manner and you were right to put forward for statatory assessment for a statement of special educatonal needs. No child on the spectrum is ever exactly the same and his adhd makes it a whole lot more disressing and difficult for him to process information in a mainstream class setting, his dispruptive behaviour occurs because he is crying out for help as triggers within the school environment the class room/the way he is treated treatment/ bullying etc make it difficult for him to function. He desperately needs a statement but you will have to fight for it. it took me 2 years and that was with the schools back up. do you have a parent partnership where you live? what does the senCo have to say? Is the educational psychologist involved. If your son has a diagnosis they HAVE to provide adequate provision to teach your child. has he an IEP is he on school action or school action plus? sorry so many questions but they will give you some things to raise at school. PLEASE don't take any notice of certain ignorant individuals who like to believe conditions like ADHD and autism do not exsist its so easy to judge when your life isn't affected by these conditions. Shame on you! please email me or leave a message on hre if you would like some more info. Also try for information. take care and don't give up xxx
so does he have both adhd and autistic spectrum for they are 2 differnt things. and why is there not an iep program set up. kids with autism get ieps to help figure out what t work on . what level of autisum high functioning ,or functioning in the middle somewhere.
i have a 7 year old with autism and friends wh have kids with adhd. and adhd people have focuse problems, and people who have autism focus on things they like very well
i dont believe you're making up excuses for your son, you're being a good parent trying to help him, try putting him in special education classes, no, its not a class for retards. Its just like a regular class but only, you do easier things, take things small, step by step. Then work from there..

try putting him in a program too to make it easier for him.
ADHD doesn't exists to me though, hope you really do figure things out.
My son had behavioral difficulties from before he entered school. The school failed to adequately address behavioral issues, even after he was diagnosed as Asperger's in 5th grade. We struggled (mightily) to find the right way to handle all the related problems. Finally, in 6th grade, he was unable to function. He went to a therapeutic school which uses a system called positive behavior teaching. The school integrates feedback from home and school life and was EXTREMELY consistent. This method and the consistency in implementing rewards and consequences completely turned my son's ability to function in school around. Clear expectations and the ability and willingness to be consistent were key. Medication helps him function, but will not "cure" ASD problems. I wish you the very best and don't give up on pressuring the school to do the right thing.
Yep I agree with everyone else. The way that the school is behaving is really unhelpful.
i can`t advise on specifics as each authority ahs it`s own procedures and practices.
I can say from experience both as parent and a proffessional behaviourist that. You need a miracle. The only miracle that your child is ever going to get is you. You need to fight for him with everything that you have. First the head maybe the Educational Social worker for the school. If no joy then to the director of education for your area. The system is really stretched, everyone is under pressure. The people who make the most noise will get the best service.
Get as many health professionals on your side as you can Write to your GP. He/she is his named GP and has a responsibility. Remind him of that. He may have seen consultants. Ring the relevent hospital ask for that persons secretary. leave messages with their secretaries for the consultant to send a reportEventually your sons name will begin to crop up at high level meetings.
You need to fight. There is a lot of competition for the service that you require and only yourself to win it for your child.
Thus speaks the voice of experience.
I am sorry that you are having so many problems with your autistic sons education.I am disgusted with his schools lack of empathy.In these enlightened times i expect more from the education system.Many ADHD children are higher functioning and find main stream education undemanding and especially boring.
Have you spoke to your local education department.see if they can may find that when your son finds a school that fulfils his needs his behaviour will improve because he himself will be frustrated by the lack of interest and if i may say down right doggedness of the school his attending now.
You have some excellent answers here already. No-one is offering a magic wand, it will be a long hard road and there are no quick fixes. The complexity of autistic spectrum disorders means that it is difficult to categorise the behaviour and its treatment. All children can sometimes behave like angels and sometimes like demons but impulsivity and failure to recognise implicit social boundaries, make that variability so much more intense and potentially damaging for autisic children. I think you are right in working towards permanent statementing. Have you considered researching the educational standards of provision for autistic children across the UK? I live and work in North Devon and provision here is relatively good, in independent and state schools. Broomhayes School is here too. Full psychological assessment of your son's learning needs is an essential first step-has it been done yet-by a qualified Educational Psychologist? I also have concerns about the divisive effects that ASB can have upon other members of the family if the child is not supported by a structured learning programme, shared by school and home. I hope that you link up with a dynamic local support network and that you find a school whose staff are trained, experienced and sensitive enough to deal with the ongoing demands of your son's condition.
this message only really applys to the uk;
erm excuse me, but i hav A.D.D and autism and i went to a primary school in adel, Leeds, uk. my headteacher said i didnt hav it and i was jst a naurghty child and under acheiving aswell.
i wasnt allowed to go on school trip cos even thou i had a SEN teacher supplyed by social services , my headteacher wouldnt let the SEN person attend the school trip wiv me i wasnt allowed to go swimming or to the lake district .even thou i got dianosed with it 5 times. he wouldnt giv me a statment, in the end i got it but as soon as the eductation board turned there backs it was taken away from me.

what ur son's school is doing is boarderline discrimination under no reasonble ajustments , if he doesnt give ur son the SEN help that he needs or start to treat him less faverbly then the other children then get to the courts see and get the education boards invold.
another website is

get a doctors and child physicologist letter to the school saying this has wot your son got stating clearly the symptoms and how it effects him and how the school should be helping him. (this is from life experience,)- children with A.D.H.D or A.D.D normally get dianosed later no in life with aspergers syndrome which is high functioning autism or P.D.D-NOS meaning ( Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified). The term refers to those people who have difficulties in more than one area but do not fulfil the diagnostic criteria for autism or Aspergers Syndrome)

the thing is, if he gets the statment and then it is taken off him before he goes to high school, the high school will not put him on one, they will say that they can handle him wiv out one.
that what happened to me my primary school they took me off my SEN statment and i got to high school they said that they could cope wiv out the statment and they would still give me the support.
infact they didnt bother with me, i failed me GCSE's because i didnt get the support i needed and after high school i went straight in to college, i have just finish a year at college re-sitting the whole of 8 GCSES and still im not on a statment because i didnt have one in high school.

"They compare him to other autstic children and i feel they just believe its parenting and bad behaviour."

if thats the school that has compared him to other autisic's , they are not allowed to do that, evey child on the autistic spectrum is different wiv diffrence needs.
i gess they havnt taken any medical advice on your son's case, if thats the case definatly make a big ho-har about it.

. and i know it is a big pain but maybe an assesment for the social services for the schools benerfit would difinatly help. if the school is impliying that ur a bad parent -its diabolical ,

ur not a bad perent at all i mean iv never met you but i bet ur just like every parent wiv a child on the autistic spectrome.

oooo blood hell i could kill them for what they are doing to you and your son. plz if you need anymore help jst contact me on parklane_disabilityofficer@yah...
hope that helps. soph xxx
I've got two like yours and just wanted to offer some support. I don't know what anyone else has said to you, but you need to turn it around on the school and ask what they are doing. After all when you are not in the classroom you cannot do anything and by the time he gets home to you, it's all long gone so anything you say has no relevance.
National Autistic Society did a make school make sense campaign, get a copy and pass it to the Head to read and tell the teachers to stop comparing him to other ASD children as all children, especially those with ASD are different to one another.
Keep your chin up you are in my thoughts.
, ADHD is a medical condition and must be hell to live with.
Your Head teacher sounds like an **.
This little boy is pulling in two directions and without the support of his teachers will sadly slip through the net. Have you contacted SENAP's for advice ?

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